There is a lot of disruption in the workplace these days with so many people coming and going. Given what we know about the importance of having good friends and strong relationships at work, it can be a real blow—emotionally, organizationally, and career-wise—when a trusted colleague leaves. And on the other hand, in today’s ever-changing organizational landscape, you may feel taken aback by a new boss or colleague, and wonder, “Why is this person here?” and “How am I ever going to get them to recognize what’s important and necessary?”
What to Do When Your Best Colleague Leaves
First of all, don’t fall apart. Sure, you’ll need time to grieve. It’s always hard to lose a friend, and it can be difficult to reestablish the same level of trust and teamwork with other people. But while it’s perfectly reasonable to feel sad and lick your wounds for a little while, you’ll need to move out of the tragic phase if you want to progress and thrive—even if it is without your friend.
Second, you may question whether you should be leaving too—after all, if your friend thought there was somewhere better to go, what are you doing still hanging around? It’s always worth considering whether you’re accomplishing as much as you could and getting enough enjoyment and satisfaction out of your work.
But while you’re deciding if you want to stay or go, it doesn’t make sense to fall down on the job. At minimum, you may need a reference, and even if only for your own feelings of self-worth, there’s rarely any good that comes from burning bridges or performing at a merely adequate level rather than as a strong participant.
Keep a Forward Outlook
Assess whether there are any new opportunities that can accompany your new loss: Are there aspects of your friend’s job that you’d like to be able to do? Could you take on some of their responsibilities, either permanently or in the interim, to tide things over? If so, that will let your leadership see what a great team player you are and enhance both your clout and your career.
Consider approaching your management or the hierarchy your friend reported to. Discuss the things you’ve noticed that could be improved, and the upside or potential that you see from your vantagepoint. Ask how you can be helpful. This is an activist approach to a situation that might otherwise feel like more of a hole or loss. Remember, it’s legitimate to miss your friend and still seize a career opportunity.
At the same time, take steps to maintain your friendship. It can be great to have someone outside of work who really understands the place! Your friend can also become a new node in your network, able to share information about the industry or tell you about outside opportunities. It may take some effort to schedule time together, but this can be well worth it. Sometimes a work friend turns into a more personal, all-around friend, and sometimes you learn that you actually had less in common than you thought. Either way, it’s usually worth it to stay in relationship with a good colleague and cheer each other on.
Who’s This Stranger Coming In?
Of course you’ll need to size up your new colleague or boss, and you may feel doubly wary of them if they’re taking a friend’s spot. Not only will you want to know about their competence, but you may be hoping that they’ll become a friend too, or you might be harboring resentment because they could never fill your friend’s spot. Be positive, but not optimistic. Think: “It sounds like this is a reasonable candidate for the role. I’ll look for their strong points and help them acclimate so we can do good work together” rather than “I hope they’ll be a substitute for the person I lost and everything will go back to feeling normal” or “This will never work!”
Just like on the playground many years ago, taking a stance of “Do you want to play?” gets you off on a better footing than “Who is this person and why do I have to play with them?” Because you’re the tenured employee, you should go first in welcoming them, rather than expecting them to come calling on you. Even if you don’t take to this new person immediately, identify any areas where their expertise can help you grow or position yourself better. Look for every possible reason to respect them as well as to consider them a good, if not a close, colleague.
No Matter What
In all cases, take this shift in your work network as a prompt to diversify. Seek out more people to become friendly and collaborative with—both from other departments and throughout the larger industry, making sure to get to know people who are different from you. This way, you’ll build more access to opportunity, resources, and support—and also expand your viewpoint. And who knows, a few of them may also turn out to be good friends.
Onward and upward—
LK