The first time I had to fire someone, I was 22—and I was given no training, instructions, or support. The experience was so upsetting that as soon as the meeting was over, I ran to the restroom and threw up. Although I’ve never actually vomited over a termination again, I’ve felt sick to my stomach every time ever since, and I’ve often been disturbed by it for days both before and after. But I think that’s a good thing.
I remembered that first awful situation today when I read that a number of large tech and financial firms have recently cut staff or are planning to do so by the end of this year (before the holidays!?!) or early next year. These mass terminations, according to the article, are being treated as a “business issue.” This doesn’t take into account the high level of human casualty that can occur when groups of people are let go at once and the cuts are treated as a structural process rather than a person-to-person interaction.
How Would You Want to Be Fired?
Terminating someone’s employment should never be taken lightly. It’s perfectly appropriate to feel sickened when you think about what it means to end someone’s daily purpose, compensation, and health insurance—and perhaps even destroy a crucial portion of their identity. If you don’t feel ill over it, then reflect on how difficult it would be to adjust to that new reality if you were the one being cut.
If you have—and use—the power to end someone else’s livelihood and disrupt their life and wellbeing, I think you should feel disrupted yourself. You ought to worry about the terminated person and their family, pets, and any other beings that rely upon them, recognizing that you are the agent of a massive blow against their mental health.
In very rare circumstances there may have been bad acts or willful disregard, and then you may be able to comfort yourself that you are protecting the organization and your colleagues from worse harm. But most often, when cuts occur, it’s because of something the employer or manager did wrong.
Maybe the organization was so desperate to get someone in the job that it ignored warning signals about their competence or behaviors. Or perhaps individuals were assigned to a function for which they didn’t have enough experience or oversight, or else the lines of authority and responsibility weren’t clear enough to support good performance. Or maybe they were managed poorly, without receiving necessary feedback in a skillful way, so they continued with unsuccessful behaviors until management decided they didn’t deserve another chance.
The Most Decent Way to Fire Someone
When you must fire someone, please do all the right things: abide by the established rules and regulations and provide appropriate severance, references, and instructions about how to apply for unemployment, receive benefits, and search for the next opportunity. In addition, check this list to see if you have the right feelings for each person whose life you are changing, usually against their will.
Respect the person you’re firing as a human being of moral value. Whether you agree with the way they conduct themselves or how they perform, they are still another human being with sorrows, joys, and the capacity for accomplishment.
Feel sorry that things did not work out. It’s a hardship to lose your job, so it’s appropriate to feel sorrow for someone having to endure the potential loss, humiliation, and damage to their current life.
Be thankful for whatever they’ve contributed. Remember their potential and their efforts, and focus on the good that they brought to the organization.
Be compassionate, regardless of how they react during the termination process. Understand how hard it is to be in their position and cut them some slack for the tone and tenor of their immediate reaction.
Express hope that they will be able to find the right path for them. There is nothing to be gained from wishing ill on another human being. Hoping for their better future will make you better able to be with them in the present difficult moment.
Commit to making the process as smooth and supportive as it can be. Give yourself the opportunity to feel good about how you handle things. Treating the person being let go well and being supportive will also make a difference to the employees who remain.
Reflect on what went wrong and how you or other colleagues might have prevented this difficult end. What could be done in the future to avoid this kind of problem? Do you wish you had behaved differently at any point? What can you learn from that?
Try to preserve a civil relationship in case you cross paths again. You’ll want to be able to greet them, shake their hand, and speak pleasantly rather than feeling like you have to avoid them.
And if you’re facing large-scale or individual terminations without having examined any of these related emotional impacts or structural issues, consider whether there could be benefit to our talking the situation through and finding a path that supports all of the humans involved, including you.
Onward and upward—
LK