This post originally appeared on Forbes.
Given the current level of polarization—which sometimes verges on downright antagonism—in American society, it’s easy to bring a habit of taking sides into the workplace. Even when work conflicts aren’t political, longstanding team battles like the typical ones between sales and production can make collaboration and cooperation challenging. And because few organizations or individuals intentionally model neutrality, there’s no guide to navigating workplace relationships and dynamics evenhandedly.
Tangle may provide a model. This independent, nonpartisan newsletter covers one major topic in US politics each day from all sides. In a recent interview, Isaac Saul, Tangle’s founder and executive editor, explains the principles he follows to remain neutral and open to different points of view, even under pressure. Following these principles can also help foster a constructive and balanced approach to workplace interactions.
Make Getting Along A Value
Since childhood, Saul has valued getting along with people. The key, he says, is to recognize people’s humanity regardless of their political or ideological positions. “Being able to just appreciate people and the beauty that they offer as human beings, regardless of where they are politically or spiritually, is something that has been organic for me,” he notes, “and makes it easier for me to humanize the people I’m writing about and thinking about.”
Growing up, Saul had the advantage of being exposed to people of varied classes, races, religions and politics. “I had an appreciation of the kind of depth that people have,” he recalls, “and some of the ways in which we share values and want similar things, despite the fact that it often feels—and is also often true—that we are really divided on big, important questions about life or politics.”
Not everyone has had Saul’s diverse background, but anyone can seek out people with varied experiences if they want to expand their fluency and comfort with people who are different, which in turn strengthens their ability to interact with a wider range of people.
Activate Your Curiosity
For Saul, curiosity has been key to seeing beyond people’s differences. He recommends “just being curious and asking questions with a genuine intention to try and understand them better, not set them up for a dunk on them or their views or to prove them wrong.” In his experience, curiosity lets you look and listen more deeply and find areas of potential connection and understanding, even if you hold different perspectives yourself.
Listening to other people’s stories illuminates their motives and rationales, helps them feel respected and draws them closer. Even when Saul is asked for his viewpoint, he asks several questions to ascertain the other person’s perspective before sharing his own.
“Most people really just want to be heard,” he explains. “I find that someone will leave a nasty comment on a post, or write in really angrily via email, and when I just respond to them and acknowledge what they say, especially if I do it personally, the whole tenor of the conversation changes immediately. They become less accusatory, less angry. Sometimes I’ve had people even just apologize and say, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t really even think you were gonna read this.’ They realize, ‘Ohhh, there’s a real human being who’s taking in this feedback, and this stuff matters.’”
Exercise Intellectual Humility
Superior knowledge and expertise don’t always change minds, though, and it’s important not to engage in a way that might seem patronizing or attacking. If your end goal is to move somebody to your position, Saul says, “literally, there is a zero percent chance that you are going to do that in a single conversation where your attitude is like, ‘I’m going to pin them into submission.’”
“Humans just don’t work that way,” Saul notes, and he emphasizes the risk in taking cheap shots, which can undercut any possibility of building relationship. “The easy thing to do is to take somebody’s worst element, or the easiest part of their position to attack, and then dunk on that.”
Instead, Saul recommends being modest about your own ideas and demonstrating intellectual vulnerability, including acknowledging the strengths of the other person’s position and sharing any ambiguities in your own views. “I try and listen for the things that they’re saying that are really compelling to me, and address those, versus the things that I could easily point out as illogical,” he says. Rather than “win” the conversation, he strives to reach a point when “you’re understood better, and the person you’re talking to maybe leaves a little bit more flexible or a little bit more open-minded about what you’re saying.”
Don’t Take Criticism Personally
“There are seven billion or eight billion people in the world, and it’s hard to get five people in a room who all agree about something,” Saul acknowledges. “Everybody has their own personal political upbringing and worldview, and it’s impossible to make everybody happy.”
This understanding can be particularly valuable to leaders who have diverse, often conflicting needs to satisfy within their teams and for their customers, but it takes practice to apply. “I used to read all the comments and go through every email and try and reply to people,” Saul says. “Now, sometimes I just read it, I take it, I think about it and hold it a little bit, and if there’s something there that feels like really worth replying to, or I’m getting the same piece of feedback consistently, then I address it somehow.”
Watch Your Words
One of the most concerning things about today’s environment, Saul notes, is that “people want simple answers to really difficult questions, and they want them quick, and they stop being curious the moment they’re told the thing they want to hear.” This attitude is particularly harmful when it comes to interdepartmental conflicts.
To avoid simply exchanging arguments rather than finding solutions, Saul suggests dropping jargon and generalities and taking care not to shorthand complex concepts, which can mask issues that need to be addressed concretely. In heated situations, he asks himself these questions: “Am I reacting to what this person is trying to explain, or how they are explaining it? Am I really offended or set off by the idea, or am I set off by the language that they’re using, the way they’re describing it?”
Although hard conversations are unavoidable—at work and in society—we can engage with each other thoughtfully and with respect, always looking for common ground. Saul finds that practicing curiosity, respect and neutrality encourages others to respond in kind and to think more deeply themselves: “The nicest compliments I’ve gotten from Tangle are people telling me that I’m teaching them how to think and not what to think.”
Onward and upward—