This post originally appeared on Forbes.
Now that workplaces have become more polarized, there are negative impacts on both work relationships and how people collaborate. And yet, it’s well understood that collaboration both within and across teams fosters creativity, diverse ideas and a greater sense of empowerment. How can we bridge the gap?
In a recent conversation, Juliana Tafur, program director at the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley, says that working together despite our differences leads to “increased efficiency, increased productivity, less banging of heads and more peaceful collaboration which is good for everyone,” she says. “It’s not only good for your well-being, but it’s good for the bottom line of the company.”
It’s a natural human tendency to label other people as identities rather than as individuals, Tafur explains, leading us categorize others through the lens of “Us vs. Them.” Labeling doesn’t arise out of a desire for division, however, but because of “how we are wired developmentally. We were meant to be in little tribes, and our survival depended on our tribe being well off. So anything that is different from our tribe causes us fear.”
Fortunately, there are multiple tested approaches we can use, based on social science research from the past several decades, to overcome our natural sense of tribalism and shift toward more productive behaviors. Tafur describes how we can apply these techniques to reduce polarization and build more effective working relationships.
Drop The Labels
A crucial skill for increasing connection and laying the ground for better collaboration is “seeing the person, not the label,” says Tafur. That means “focusing on individual traits like unique contributions or personal qualities. The idea here is that we kind of foster more nuanced understanding of who people are, beyond their role or beyond their group identity.”
Research shows that we can do this on our own, by imagining the person we’ve labeled in a concrete way, Tafur explains, “even asking ourselves simple questions like, ‘Do they prefer broccoli or carrots?’ Or ‘Are they a dog person or a cat person?’ Just thinking about those questions can help you shift the way that you see them.”
And you can even take that process a step further. “If you want to try to actually learn more about them from them,” she says, “then you could try to get down to specifics on the type of job that they do, whether they have family, hobbies they enjoy.”
Build Shared Motivation
Even colleagues from competing departments or with long-held negative beliefs about each other often share at least some interests or perspectives; uncovering these points of intersection can help improve their views of each other. For example, Tafur says, “In the professional context, there might be a shared desire for an outcome, or at a more personal level, like a motivation for being at the company or within the department that they’re in.”
Colleagues can express unity in supporting an organization’s goals, whether it’s the importance of serving customers or returning a profit to the shareholders. “The research,” she notes, “does point to identifying common goals as probably one of the most effective ways to allow us to get into contact with each other.”
Speak To The Other’s Values
Another strategy, called “moral reframing,” involves trying to understand the other person’s values and using that knowledge to present information or decisions in a way that resonates with their values. “You’re still going to be advocating for what you believe is right, for what you want to happen,” Tafur says, “but you are advocating from a place of what matters to that department and the values they hold dear in a way that allows them to see what you’re saying from the point of something they care about. It’s actually a means to get people to see what you want to get done in a way that is also appealing to them.”
Listen To Collaborate
But the strategy that’s most likely to improve the quality of even polarized relationships is “deep listening”: approaching colleagues “with the intent to listen so that you can relearn and begin to see them in a new light, and to reach the motivation” you may need to strengthen the relationship, Tafur explains.
Your project’s success may require you to endure an uncomfortable situation, so even if it feels too frustrating to invest in the relationship, you can try using your self-interest to motivate you in a productive direction, says Tafur. Just ask yourself, “Is this the way to go if you have to show up in this job every day of your life and cooperate with these people? Is this how you want to be?”
When we listen deeply, she says, “it’s almost like a secret superpower. You go to listen to someone with the intent to be there for them, to be present, to be nonjudgmental, to be curious, to express empathy and to affirm their feelings or intentions. But what ends up happening is that you transform the conversation because the person shifts how they see you just by you listening.”
Prepare For The Effort
It can be particularly hard to practice engaging a colleague during an ongoing conflict. In difficult moments, Tafur suggests using “self-distancing”: thinking of and referring to yourself in the third person. “Instead of saying, ‘Why am I so angry?’ you would say, ‘Why is Juliana so angry? Why does she feel this way, what is so triggering to her?’” The shift in pronouns lets you “see the situation almost as an outsider, giving you the sometimes much needed space and pause that you need to recenter yourself and calm your nerves and come back to a situation or a conversation.”
“Perspective-taking” is a technique that “allows us to appreciate where others are coming from,” Tafur explains. “When you’re having a difficult time understanding someone, then you simply ask yourself what experiences might have shaped their views and why is it that they believe what they believe or act the way they act.”
What’s surprising about perspective-taking, she says, is that “even if you don’t engage with the person directly, just that question does begin to broaden your perspective. You begin to understand that maybe the person has been in a work culture that has been toxic for the entirety of their lives, and you don’t justify it, but at least you’re able to understand why is it that they are like they are. And I think, from that place, you begin to see them less as this evil person, and you begin to find a little bit of compassion in yourself toward them for what they have experienced. So it just shifts the dynamic, because then you approach them in the spirit of, ‘Can I learn more?’ as opposed to, ‘You are so evil and I am so guarded.’”
Move Toward More Connection, Less Conflict
By identifying similarities and seeking to understand differences rather than trying to push them away, you’re more likely to reduce conflict and acrimony and collaborate more effectively. So whether you’re working with subordinates, colleagues or your boss, these connection practices enhance our ability to recognize each other’s humanity and work together better, even when we don’t agree. It’s not always easy to do, but if you apply these techniques consistently, they can be transformative.
Onward and upward—
LK